Calling All Young Wives in Ministry

Are you a young wife? Young is defined by a person not an age.  Is your husband involved in ministry, not necessarily as a pastor?  Do you feel enormous pressure as his wife?  If yes, then you and I have at least three things in common.

Most people scoff when I tell them that God told me who I was going to marry, even before we were dating, and that I would be a wife in ministry one day.  If I had any idea what that would mean, I don’t think I would have been so happy about it.  Not marrying my husband, the ministry part.

Don’t misunderstand me, I love my husband and I love serving my God.

If you answered yes to any and all of those questions, then you probably know what I mean.  There is enormous pressure on us, the wives, as we attempt to support our husbands.  The grace it takes to function as a wife in ministry is phenomenal.  I look with envy on the wives who’ve “done it” for 20+ years and exude the perfect pastor’s wife attitude.

I feel like I’m expected to be happy and helpful all the time.  I feel like I can’t say “no” without that negatively reflecting on my husband.  In fact, if I betray the way I really feel about something, if it’s not positive, I reap negative reprocussions. 

I am human, opinionated, stubborn, loud, and obnoxious. I mentally have to remind myself to think before I speak.  I think I am about as far from the wife in ministry persona as possible.

All of this said, I’m not complaining about my situation, I’m just looking for friends who can relate.  After all, they don’t have pastor’s wives retreats because their lives are perfect, do they?

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4 responses to “Calling All Young Wives in Ministry

  1. Hi Alyson, nice to meet you. A network is exactly what I’m building too. As many young (or not as young) ladies to lend and ear and support. We need each other.

    Good luck and hope to hear from you soon.

  2. Hi! I am getting married in 2 weeks. My husband to be is a minister. I would love to build a network of support from other women in this unique role!

  3. There are many who understand what you are saying without saying. But I also believe part of my ability to handle the pressures has been in understanding the difference in God call in my life, and in God’s call in his life. I am who I am, imperfect, real, and in need of grace. I work to dispel the myth that Pastor’s wives or ministry wives don’t have real lives, real needs, real hurts and real feelings.
    You can be yourself. We have seen many families implode from the pressures, and we are not willing to be a statistic. Know that you are understood, and keep seeking Him as you live out His will in your life. : )

  4. Enormous pressure — I know exactly what you are talking about. The pressure to be, say, act a certain way. I am one of those who have been doing this for a long time and the thing I found out early on is that I have to be me.

    God will continue to mold you and make you into what He desires.

    Putting boundaries up around our life has been huge. Pleasing God first is not always easy because people can be so ‘in your face’. However, saying ‘no’ does not need to reflect badly on you or your husband. Sometimes it is very necessary and those who have a problem with it – we must leave with God.

    God created you with His perfect plan in mind. Be you.

    He is always working on us but He does it gently and with grace and mercy.

    Hang in there!! God has great things in store.